Ava Grey: Our Greatest Adventure

It’s 2:00 am when Vincent bops into my room, immediately identifying the Beyonce album blasting from my phone. I never imagined having a male doctor deliver my first baby, but Vincent, introduced by our doctor as the go-to-guy for any problematic births, put me immediately at ease. He asks for a progress report, which is largely the same as it has been the last two hours: the baby has crowned but hasn’t progressed past my pelvic bone. Her vitals are stable, as are mine, and I’m feeling remarkably good after 27 hours of labor. At this point I should clarify in case there’s any room for confusion: this is the very happy birth story of the one and only Ava Grey.

Let me rewind a few months. I found out I was pregnant in early February of 2023. In the wake of a traumatic miscarriage and subsequently draconic medical care, the initial weeks of my pregnancy were fraught. This was compounded by the double whammy of our sweet pup Millie needing knee surgery as Matt finished out the probationary period of his new firefighting career, stretching all of us to capacity. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be pregnant while sleeping on your van mattress in a pen on the living room floor with your post-op dog, I can tell you: it’s ROUGH, pun intended. 

Those first few weeks passed in a blur of naps and nausea, and before I knew it we were on our way to our first baby appointment. I opted for a new doctor, someone known for their empathetic care and data-driven approach. Anxiety was high as Matt and I sat in the waiting room, hoping for good news. Seeing our baby on the ultrasound screen and hearing her tiny, rapidfire heartbeat was cathartic. We left in a haze of happiness, hands clutching each other and a pile of papers detailing all the key appointments to come. I won’t bore you with the technical details of pregnancy, though you’re welcome to send me a note if you have any questions. What I will say is don’t be afraid to ask your team for help at any time–they’re there for you and no question is too small or silly. 

Flash forward a few months, and I was feeling extremely pregnant as my belly swelled and my body shifted in innumerable ways. I’ve never been so acutely aware of my round ligaments before, and my already keen sense of smell reached new depths of sensitivity. We spent the summer adventuring as much as possible within my swiftly changing physical limits; and I relished each moment outside. Shortly after Matt graduated from probation, we went on a babymoon of sorts to Chamonix and it felt like a dream to walk and climb in the Alps with our baby girl cradled inside me. I spent a lot of time thinking about epigenetics and the inheritance of sorrow. If I could unwittingly pass down trauma, could I intentionally transmit joy? I still don’t know the answer but I visualized it bubbling up through my body all the same, hoping to instill a love for the outdoors in her that ran to the bone.

By the time week 38 hit, I was a sore, swollen mess. Given a few different factors, we decided induction was the safest plan for us. We scheduled a date and arrived at the hospital at 39 weeks exactly, equal parts excited and nervous. Induction, it turns out, is a game of hurry-up-and wait. We played cribbage, ate snacks, chatted with the doctors and nurses, and had mini dance parties in our delivery suite. By the time my sister arrived, labor had progressed to the point where I was ready for an epidural. Despite a textbook application of the first one, I was still feeling every painful contraction. It took three hours of working with the anesthesia team until it finally kicked in, and I was so grateful when it did. 

It’s now 3 am and given the continued lack of progress and my flagging energy, Vincent is running us through our options. After some deliberation, we decide to utilize suction to move things along. Decision made, the room bursts into a flurry of activity as all the relevant teams enter, ready to provide whatever medical care is needed to ensure her safe arrival earthside. At 3:36am, the playlist flips to “Work It” by Missy Elliott and one of the nurses remarks how hilarious it would be if she came out to this song. Two minutes later, she arrives to the deep, bassy notes of Missy trilling “tiesreverdnatipilfnwodgnahtymtupi,” all 9 lbs, 2 oz, and 20 inches of her. Matt cuts the cord, and Tessa places her against my chest where I automatically fall deeply in love. What followed was a jumble but the important details remain: she was healthy, I was healthy, and a day later we were cleared to go home with our new baby girl, Ava Grey.

It’s been a few beautiful, sleepy months since we brought her home and the lovefest continues. I was inspired to write about her birth story because there aren’t enough good ones out there. Everyone deserves compassionate, comprehensive medical care for their own experience and yet so many new parents receive the opposite. I hope this story serves as a reminder of what this experience can be. 

I also want to share my deep and enduring gratitude for the people who played integral roles in this experience. I never imagined that giving birth could be full of so much laughter and the unshakable confidence that our medical team had our backs in every way that mattered. Our team made the experience a delight and I’m still blown away that I can say that. To our family–by blood and by choice–we could not have done this without you. To Matt, for more than words can ever convey—I love you. And to Ava, for making me a mom. I can’t wait to share more of our adventures as they come. 

On miscarriage, grieving, and hope

I haven’t always known I wanted to be a mother.

I’ve spent the past decade working and adventuring around the globe, and didn’t know how children fit into that picture. Somewhere in the last couple of years, things shifted and I knew it was a path I wanted to walk, hand-in-hand with Matt. We made the decision to become parents in the midst of a difficult diagnostic journey, during which I struggled to find help for a chronic illness that flared up in 2020. I spent the following years testing different medicines, struggling with the side effects on top of my daily symptoms as I tried to find some relief. 

I found out I was pregnant in October of 2022 and was overjoyed and a bit surprised that we had conceived after all that my body had been through. Matt and I reveled in our secret, deciding to share with only a few people until we hit the second trimester. Early as it was, my body was already making subtle changes. My breasts ached, and my daily nausea intensified–our cupboards soon full of Preggie Pops and ginger tea. We found a doctor and booked our first appointment. I made a secret Pinterest board with gender neutral nursery ideas. We dreamed of all the things we could and would do with our baby, and imagined how it might feel to finally hold them tight. 

One morning I woke up with a pulling sensation in my groin but quickly dismissed it. Later, panic flared as I found blood in my underwear. A quick call with my nurse assured me that light spotting can be normal, but as the day wore on, the bleeding didn’t stop. I woke the next day to even more blood and clotting, my breasts feeling strangely normal after weeks of intense aching. I felt empty, even as people told me to be hopeful, my heart full of dread.

My bleeding eventually stopped in the days that followed and repeated blood tests revealed that my HCG levels, which usually double every 24-48 hours of pregnancy, were slowly creeping upwards but not in an expected way. Two weeks after I started bleeding, I went in for an ultrasound that revealed tissue in my uterus. The ultrasound technician was not responsible for giving diagnostic information, but as we stared at the little blob on the screen and noted the absence of phrases like “fetal pole” and “yolk sac,” any last bits of hope vanished. I had obviously had a miscarriage. Our baby was gone. 

My doctor informed me of my options: I could continue monitoring my HCG to see if it returned to zero, indicating my body had cleared the remaining tissue; I could take meds to force it to clear but it would take 3+ months to recover from them; or I could have a procedure that day to remove the tissue–the fastest way of clearing it so my body could heal and return to normal.* Given the options and my mental state, I elected to have the procedure. I asked my doctor about pain management for the procedure. She said unfortunately, it wouldn’t be done under general anesthesia and that I should prepare myself for some pain. I was given anti-anxiety medicine and a local anesthetic to numb my cervix, but what followed was one of the most excruciating things I’ve experienced and I couldn’t hold in my screams of pain. When it was over, my doctor gave me my aftercare instructions and we drove home. 

When they say grieving is non-linear, they mean that somewhere in the space between one heartbeat and the next you fall into a well of pain so sharp and deep, it takes your breath away. There’s no warning, the bottom just falls out from under you as you curl into yourself between wracking sobs that rise from depths you didn’t know existed. The emotional and physical violence of the procedure caused flashbacks of sexual assaults I had endured, and my mental health plummeted. My sorrow and immense rage at having something I so desperately wanted taken from me intertwined, even while I recognized the futility of my emotions. I had enough grief to swallow the moon, but it couldn’t bring my baby back.

I spent the weeks that followed filling the house with Christmas decorations in an attempt to distract myself, but nothing filled the void. Matt was sweet and supportive, but he couldn’t shield me from my pain. We went to the mountains, where I broke down in a friend's hot tub, grateful to be sipping a glass of wine outside while simultaneously devastated to be there. You can’t hot tub while pregnant, and wine is equally off the table. I had resigned myself to missing moments like this while growing a new life; necessary sacrifices to protect the health of the baby. Their return and everything that return signaled hurt more than I thought something so mundane could. I cried quietly in the darkness, feeling small and terribly alone against the vastness of the wintry sky. 

We returned from the mountains and I continued to fall apart. I told myself to look for silver linings but they felt hollow. I cried a lot. I journaled and went to therapy. I blocked keywords to stop the onslaught of targeted pregnancy ads–the ghost of my pregnancy following me across social media. I spent an inordinate amount of time in the bath, giving my tears up to the hot water. Slowly, I began to heal. I still break down at the most unexpected things, but my grief has begun to feel more like hope and less like mourning. I’m spending more time with my head above the water than below–able to honor the joy I felt on that very first day of pregnancy while holding it close to my chest in hopes of feeling it again. 

I’m sharing all of this because while I’m usually a very transparent person, something about this felt different–like I was carrying a dirty secret I wasn’t supposed to share even as I ached to heal in community. There’s a stigma to miscarriage that needs to be broken, and I want others who are on their own difficult fertility journey to know that they are not alone. Miscarriage is shockingly normal. Miscarriage is not your fault. Miscarriage is not something to be ashamed of. It doesn’t matter how early or late it happens to you, your grief is valid and you deserve whatever space and grace you need to process. We move through our experiences individually, but we don’t have to heal from them alone. Wherever you are on your fertility and parenthood journey, I hope you are surrounded by love. 

Resources for those hurting from pregnancy loss:

https://miscarriagehurts.com/en/healing-pathways 

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/ 

https://twloha.com/

*In the months following this procedure, many conversations with different practitioners highlighted the inadequacy of the information and care I was given. If you’re ever in the same situation, please don’t hesitate to ask for more information and pain management options. You should never be pressured by your doctor to endure such a painful procedure in this way.

Trekking in Nepal Part Two: The Experience

Trekking to Everest Base Camp has long been on my bucket list. Upon confirming my trip assignment with Travel Her Way, I promptly began researching, intent on finding out exactly what I had gotten myself into.

Surprisingly, finding solid stats on the route is a little bit tricky on the good. Many sites offer generalizations on how long it will take for each leg of the journey, but finding objective stats requires some digging.

The total distance is roughly 130 km or 80.7 miles, though you’ll deviate slightly depending on your actual route and any side excursions. You’ll gain over 9,000 ft from Lukla to Kala Patthar. In and of itself, that doesn’t sound as daunting but when you consider the net elevation change from all of the ups and downs along the trail paired with the altitude, it’s a serious challenge.

Our specific route: our trek with Travel Her Way spanned 12 days: 9 days up, 3 days down. This is a common itinerary, but you can certainly make it longer or shorter depending on your groups needs and abilities. Below are descriptions of each segment with rough mileage for each one. As you plan, bear in mind the difficulties of trekking at altitude.

Day 1: flight from Kathmandu to Lukla. Trek from Lukla to Phadking.

Trekking distance: 4 miles

It’s important to note that transportation from Kathmandu to Lukla is the crux of this day. Swiftly changing weather creates the potential for waiting for hours if not days for a viable flight window. At the time I’m writing this blog, flights from Kathmandu have been severely limited, forcing folks to either rely on helicopters for transport (the most expensive route) or to take a 5-8 hour drive to Ramechhap from Kathmandu to catch a flight to Lukla from there. If you can, build in a little wiggle room to allow for flight delays.

Day 2: Phadking to Namche Bazaar

Trekking distance: 6 miles

Begin your day with a mellow ascent that gradually becomes steeper. Enjoy crossing the iconic suspension bridges and your first encounters with cows and yaows (cow-yak hybrids). The final climb of the day rises steeply to Namche Bazaar where you will rest and relax.

Day 3: Rest and acclimatization day in Namche

Get a good night of sleep and a hearty breakfast, then do an acclimatization hike. Hike destination varies depending on weather, and may include a visit to the Everest View Point, the Sherpa Museum, and Everest View Hotel. Plan on 2-4 hours of hiking with up to 6 miles of distance. Upon returning, spend the afternoon wandering the streets of Namche and catch a regular screening of a documentary about the Sherpa People in any one of the coffee shops.

Day 4: Namche Bazaar to Tengboche

Trekking distance: 5.3 miles

Start the trek with a relatively easy climb to a long stretch of “Nepali flat,” gently rolling sections of trail with stunning views of Ama Dablam. Descend sharply for lunch, then ascend sharply to reach Tengboche.

Day 5: Tengboche to Dingboche

Trekking distance: 6.7 miles

I highly recommend waking up for a chance at sunrise over Ama Dablam. It’s a stunning sight that you won’t soon forget. The trek begins with a downhill stretch through massive rhododendrons. If you’re lucky, you’ll catch them in full bloom. Eventually you hit a small section of Nepali flat before gaining gradually the rest of the day.

Day 6: Rest and acclimatization day in Dingboche

At over 14,000 ft of elevation, you might be feeling it when you reach Dingboche. Eat a hearty dinner, get some sleep, and awake as refreshed as possible for an acclimatization hike. Depending on weather and spirits, you might hike to Nangkartshang Gompa or the hill behind Dingboche for stunning views and further exposure to the history and culture of the area.

Day 7: Dingboche (14,468) to Lobuche (16,814)

Distance: 10.9 miles

Continue trekking gradually upwards through rolling alpine landscapes. Stop at Chukpo Lari, a place of remembrance for those who have lost their lives on Everest. Go slowly, take deep breaths, and soak it in.

Day 8: Lobuche to Gorakshep, Gorakshep to EBC, EBC to Gorakshep

Part 1: Lobuche to Gorakshep. Trekking distance: 2.7 miles

You’ll start this day early and begin the trek to Gorakshep where you’ll eat, drop anything that’s not essential, and then continue on to the ultimate destination: Everest Base Camp!

Part 2: Gorakshep to EBC. Trekking distance: 2.2 miles

Climb carefully through rocky ridgelines. Though the trek is short, the undulating landscape and the elevation make it challenging so bring snacks and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Bring layers so you can wait for your chance to take a picture with the famous Everest Base Camp signs and pat yourself on the back!

Part 3: EBC to Gorakshep. Trekking distance: 2.2 miles.

Carefully descent back to Gorakshep for dinner and sleep. You did it!

Day 9: Gorakshep to Kala Patthar, Kala Patthar to Pheriche

Part 1: Gorakshep to Kala Patthar. Trekking Distance: 0.9 miles

Depending on your itinerary, you might do this the same day as Everest Base Camp or the next. Make the short, steep climb behind Gorakshep to Kala Patthar with stunning views of several surrounding mountains. This will be the elevation high point of your trip. Take pictures, then begin the trek down.

Part 2: Kala Patthar to Pheriche. Trekking distance: 7.6 miles

A rather steep descent will bring you below 14,000 feet and you’ll be breathing easier! If you can, stay at the Edelweiss teahouse for a delightful experience!

Day 10: Pheriche to Namche Bazaar

Trekking distance: 12.2 miles

Take in the views and prepare to sweat as you climb and descend until reaching Namche Bazaar. A long day makes the sight of Namche that much more special. Make sure you grab any last minute souvenirs here before heading out. Also, if you’ve had to dip into “tip” cash, grab some at the ATM before leaving.

Day 11: Namche Bazaar to Lukla

Trekking distance: 11.3 miles

The last long day before you’re done! The trail gains and descends through familiar territory. Keep your eyes on the prize and finish strong!

Day 12: Lukla to Kathmandu

Much like your flight to Lukla from Kathmandu, you’ll want to allow some wiggle room for your return flight if the weather turns. It’s also customary to spend your last night in Lukla with your guides and porters, treating them to dinner, drinks, and giving them their tips as many of them will not be returning to Kathmandu with you.

Trekking in Nepal Part 1: The Gear

Nepal is a country as beautiful as it is famous. Each year, trekkers and alpinists alike flock to Kathmandu to begin their respective journeys into the Himalaya. Home to many of the tallest mountains in the world, it makes sense that so many people are drawn there every year. 

This year I had the opportunity to join the masses for two special treks: first to Everest Base Camp with Travel Her Way, and second to Annapurna Base Camp with my mom. 

Both trips were challenging and incredible in their own ways. Spending a month in Nepal was a privilege and in some ways, I’m still unpacking and processing all that I experienced. There’s much to be said and shared. In the interest of making it more manageable, I want to start by offering a packing list.

An important note: we trekked with guides and porters so this list is specific to that experience. That said, it’s still relevant to anyone who’s self-guiding and carrying all of your own things. This list is neither exhaustive nor precise: adjust as needed for your body temps, the time of year, and the weight limit specific to your adventure.

Things for your head:

• A baseball cap or sun hat for daytime trekking that will keep the sun off of your face.

• A warm knit hat for nighttime/higher elevations.

• A buff.

• A headlamp.

• Sunglasses with a UV rating.

Things for your torso:

• A wool or synthetic t-shirt for warm days. 

• A long sleeve wool or synthetic t-shirt for cooler days.

• A warm baselayer (synthetic or wool).

• A mid-layer fleece or down jacket

• A heavyweight layer, such as a down or synthetic puffy coat.

• A thin, packable wind layer.

• A rain jacket, preferably with pit zips.

Things for your legs:

• Lightweight hiking pants or leggings for very warm days.

• Heavier weight pants you can layer over your lighter pants.

• Waterproof pants.

• Down pants if you have them for higher elevations/nights spent in the teahouse.

• Undies.

Things for your feet:

• Wool socks. You can reuse them and they will stay warmer when wet.

• Hiking shoes that are already broken in. I wore trail runners for my entire time in Nepal but depending on weather and your comfort, you will likely want waterproof hiking boots that are lightweight and cozy.

• Lightweight sandals or slippers (plastic birkenstocks, flip flops, etc.) to wear in tea houses to give your feet a rest.

• Down booties. I brought my feathered friends variety with removable exterior liner and they were great for wearing in the teahouse on very cold nights.

Things for your back:

• A comfortable trekking bag with hipbelt. Some folks opted for options with no hip belt and as the miles wore on, their necks and shoulders were in a world of hurt. Unless you’re trekking self-supported, you won’t need anything bigger than 35L (and even then, that might be too large) as you’ll want to limit the weight you’re carrying at altitude.

• A hydration system. If you’re not used to using a hydration system with a drinking hose, this is a great time to start. The days are long and your body needs more water than usual when trekking at altitude. You won’t want to stop every time you need a drink. An insulated drinking hose is ideal for the higher elevations. It’s still nice to have a Nalgene or comparable water bottle in the event that it’s freezing outside and you aren’t able to use the hose. You can also fill it with boiling water at night for extra warmth.

Things for your tummy:

• Snacks on snacks on snacks. You will be able to purchase these in Kathmandu and along the way, but if you have special dietary needs be sure to arrive prepared.

• Nuun or similar electrolyte supplement.

• A special treat, like chocolate or candy, for long days that you can share with your guides and porters too.

• TUMS or similar antacid: the change in diet and even elevation can throw off your tummy. You’ll want to have these handy.

• Imodium. Same as above. The last thing you want while trekking is a nasty case of diarrhea. 

• Miralax or similar. Same as above. You also don’t want to be constipated!

Other pharmaceuticals:

• Ibuprofen: for aches and pains that will inevitably arise on the trail.

• An inhaler, if applicable.

• Headache med of choice: you will get one at some point or another, from elevation, dehydration, lack of sleep, etc.

• Any relevant meds, including allergy medicine. 

• Sudafed/cold meds: This may seem strange but most people acquire some form of respiratory illness while trekking. These will help see you through, with the added benefit of helping with altitude headaches. 

• Probiotics: if you take one regularly, bring it along. 

• Diamox: requires a prescription--check in with your medical provider on dose and usage. 

• Throat lozenges or cough drops.

• Feminine products as needed--they are hard to impossible to acquire on the trail

• Water treatment tabs: your guide may provide you with these but if not, you will either need to purchase water or have your own. Note: at higher elevations, sometimes the only option is purchasing water as it’s too difficult to find free-flowing sources. 

Stuff for your wallet:

• Cash. You’ll need to purchase extra items along the way, whether it’s new toilet paper, an extra treat, etc. You’ll also need cash to top your guides. There’s an ATM as far as Namche but don’t count on it working--frequent storms often knock service out entirely.

• An id, and list of emergency contacts and any medical conditions that rescuers should know in the event of a mishap

Stuff for your toiletry bag:

• Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen. You’ll be more susceptible to burn at altitude. Don’t forget your ears, lips, and back of the hands. 

• Chapstick with SPF.

• Toothbrush and toothpaste.

• Toilet paper. Most bathrooms do not have toilet paper and you’re expected to bring your own. 

• Wet wipes

• A pack towel if you plan on showering on route.

• Shampoo and/or bodywash if you plan on showering on route (I brought a small bottle of Dr. Bronners and used that for everything rather than individual products).

• Eye care products (contact case, solution, drops, etc.).

• Ear plugs, teahouses are loud at night.

• Eye mask

Stuff for Sleeping:

• A warm sleeping bag. I brought a 0 degree bag and did not regret it as it can get below freezing in some of the teahouses. If you don’t have a super warm bag, consider renting or borrowoing one, or purchasing a sleeping bag liner for supplemental warmth.

• Inflatable pillow: some tea houses have pillows. Others don’t. I always sleep best with one, so I brought it along.

• Clean, dry pajamas. Change into them before bed, change out of them before you do something active.

• Devoted sleeping socks that are warm, clean, and dry.

Other miscellaneous items:

• A waterproof duffle bag for your porter. Many guides lend these out but it’s nice to have, just in case. Worst case: leave it in your suitcase at the hotel with any extra items you don’t need on the trek.

• A small, light game such as cards or a travel cribbage board for nights and rest days.

• A journal and pen. You’ll have a lot to process.

• A camera. Your cell phone will work, although I did carry my d850 and two lenses everywhere, everyday. 

• Charging cables and voltage converter.

• Battery bank.

• Trekking poles

• Gloves,with  a thin liner and waterproof outer cover if possible.

• Waterproof stuff sacks for important items that you don’t want to get wet.

If you’re thinking “WOW, that’s A LOT OF STUFF” don’t worry! There are a lot of ways to pare down, such as selecting versatile items of clothing, removing packaging to reduce size and bulk, and toughing it out with dirty clothes on the trail. I wore the same 2 shirts and pairs of pants the entire time on the trail and I did not die. 

Consider this a starting point, then adjust from there! If you’re worried about your system, do a test run. Pack your duffle bag as you would for the trek to give to your porter, then chuck it in the car. Pack  your day bag as if you were trekking for the day, and go on a hike. Return to the car and prepare for the night as you would on the trail and see how it goes. Adjust from there, then get after it.

Questions? Let me know!

Visit Vermejo: An American Safari

I recently had the opportunity to visit Vermejo, a Ted Turner Reserves property nestled in the mountains and prairies of New Mexico. To say I was excited is putting it mildly--the property is as storied as Ted himself. I went into the trip with high expectations for an incredible experience and I was not disappointed!

The fun began when I met up with fellow travelers, Aiden White, Mike White, Matt Massa, his friend Conor and William.  We stopped by Silvercar by Audi to scoop up a few Q7s and hit the road. The drive to Vermejo from the Denver airport is a thing of beauty in and of itself. Once you leave the city behind, you’re treated with stunning mountain scenes as you wind through the forest on the way to the ranch.

We stopped for snacks and photo ops along the way, then arrived at the historic property—the windows of Casa Grande gleaming in the sunshine. The recently-renovated properties retain their old world charm with modern luxuries and thoughtful details seamlessly worked into the design. And the entire place is run by one of the most kind, charismatic, talented, fun and funny teams I have ever met.

As we settled into dinnertime banter over freshly crafted cocktails the first night, it felt like going home.

Over the course of the next couple of days, we had the opportunity to tour the 550,000+ acre property on our own version of an American safari. From rolling prairies to snow-covered alpine meadows, we searched for antler sheds, fished, watched the bison and antelope roam, visited old grave sites and ghost towns, rode horses and bikes, hiked, explored, and felt our adrenaline race with the occasional bobcat sighting. My cheeks hurt from constantly grinning and I was awash with a sense of joy the entire time we were there. I left little bits of my heart in Vermejo, and I can’t wait to return.

If you’re thinking of heading there, here are a few tips:

1. Vermejo is at altitude so consider packing some ibuprofen with you and drink plenty of water during your stay. Also remember to pack sunscreen and layers as the temperature can fluctuate throughout the day.

2. The wildlife is abundant and beautiful. Bring a camera and a long lens if you’re keen on taking photos. Need help figuring that out? Here’s a handy guide.

3. Don’t underestimate how much fun it is to ride around the property, looking for sheds! If you can, build some extra free time into your schedule so you can take it all in! Not sure how much time is right for you? Contact the incredible team at Vermejo and they will help you build a custom itinerary!

4. Whatever you do, say “YES!” to anything Chef Cory puts in front of you. I promise, it’s delicious!

For more information on the property or booking your own escape from reality, visit https://tedturnerreserves.com/vermejo/

Ted Turner Reserves hosted me at their location but did not sponsor this post. All views contained herein are my independent, honest opinions.

How Not to Ski to Ostrander: A Classic Story of Misadventure

A few weeks ago, Matt and I set off on a trip to Yosemite to ski to the legendary Ostrander Hut with Elliot, patriarch and OG badass of the Fineman family. The plan was simple: fly into Oakland, drive to Yosemite and stay overnight at the Yosemite Lodge, then skin the 12ish miles up to the hut for 2 nights of alpine bliss, complete with bunkbeds, the snores of strangers, and a flask of whisky.

In a stroke of genius, Matt and I decided to book parking at one of the airport lots to save us the hassle of Ubering with our skis (shoutout to Krystin Norman and Evo for lending us a wheely bag, total lifesaver). We found a screaming deal online, paid, and left with ample time to park, shuttle to the airport, check our bags, and be on with it.

Or so we thought.

It turns out the address they sent us in a confirmation email lead to a random empty lot behind a fast food joint. With no cars or people to guide us, we googled a second address after failing to get a person on the phone. Twenty minutes later, we arrived at said address only to find that it too was not a parking lot. Frantic at this point, we decided to throw caution (read: money) to the wind and park at the airport because we were dangerously close to missing our flight. We plugged the airport into the GPS and BAM, the gas light came on.

Allow me to briefly interject with a story about a common issue with mid-90s to early 2000s Subarus: they are finicky AF about receiving gas. So, approximately 15 minutes later we acquired two gallons of gas, sufficient to make the drive to the airport and back to a gas station upon our return, and we were on our way!

We crushed the twenty minute drive to the airport in approximately 25 minutes (because traffic) and found a parking spot on level 8. Feeling triumphant, we grabbed our bags and rushed to the Alaska desk to check our skis. There, a very kind man informed us that while we could still make the flight, we wouldn’t be able to check our bags. Apparently TSA doesn’t take kindly to folks trying to carry on skis, much less full touring setups with beacons, probes, and shovels so we were SOL. Deflated, we headed to the customer service desk where an exceptionally kind woman took pity on us and promptly rebooked us on the next flight WITH NO FEES, WHEEEEE! We grabbed our things and headed back to my sisters house for a couple of hours of sleep before doing the whole thing over again, this time opting to just catch an Uber to the airport. Pro-tip: make sure you request an XL if you’re traveling with a ski bag and several large packs. I’ll spare you the details of wrestling our shit into the tiny boot of the cute BMW that arrived to pick us up at 3:45am.

We arrived in Oakland and promptly grabbed our checked backpacks, then waited for our skis to arrive at the oversize luggage department.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

We finally gave up, and checked in at the baggage desk where they informed us that they had no idea where our ski bag was but they would find it. In the meantime, we were advised to try and find rentals. Feeling defeated, we headed to the Fineman house to regroup and research. I finally found a shop in Berkeley that rented touring setups (shout out to California Ski Co) so we packed up the car and hit the road. On the upside, the shop had a pair of Black Diamond Helios 95 for Matt, skis he had been eyeing for some time. On the downside, the skins for the setup I was renting were missing and the odds of getting a replacement set looked grim. At that point, Alaska called to say they had found our bag and it was en route to the Oakland airport. So, we drove back to Oakland, grabbed the skis, and FINALLY hit the road.

The drive to Yosemite is beautiful in places and between dozing off in the back and grocery stops, I was full of excitement. We pulled into the Yosemite Valley Lodge and checked in, then went on a short hike to Yosemite Falls, roaring into the (very grey) sunset. We grabbed dinner and drinks, then packed our bags for the morning and hit the hay. Once our party-hearty neighbors calmed down at 3 am, we got a few hours of shut eye and woke up far from refreshed but super stoked.

We made the drive up to the Yosemite ski area to check in with the rangers and park the car, then we were off! The skin up begins with a short section of climbing, then mellows out into a gently rolling groomed trail. Elliot took a little tumble early on, and a few miles in decided to call it. He felt great physically, but a little imbalanced and was understandably worried about taking a fall on the notoriously steep hills closer to the hut on the way down. Feeling sad, we made a new plan which involved Matt and I carrying on to stay at the hut for one night. We stopped to exchange certain items of gear, and I also removed the footbed liners of my boots, which were riding up the back of my foot and causing a lot of discomfort. We said our goodbyes, and carried on up the trail. A half mile later, I felt the tell-tale signs of a blister. I popped off my boots, applied moleskin, and kept going. A mile after that, it was worse. We finally reached the cut off for the final charge up the hill to Ostrander and at this point I was in a lot of foot pain. I popped off both boots to make a final assessment of my feet before carrying on to discover blood blisters the size of half dollars on both feet, plus varies other small blisters. I was perplexed, having never had problems with these boots before, and frustrated. I was also in a lot of pain. And, having cramps. THANKS BODY.

At this point, I realized that if we carried on I would be pretty miserable the rest of the day, not to mention the following day as we skied out. With trips to New Mexico and Nepal looming, I also wanted to make a smart choice for my feet. So, with one bout of tears I made the call to turn around. It sucked, big time.

Before beginning our descent, I patched up my feet as best as I could and we fired off messages to Elliot to let him know what was happening. Then we began the painful ski back, each subtle motion of my feet sending fire up my legs. As we skied, we kept checking for a response from Elliot, but none came. We finally made it back to the trailhead to find the resort and ranger station closed, with barely a car in the lot. We limped to the lodge to use the bathroom and regroup, and started to face the reality that we might be bivvying in the parking lot, having no way to get down the mountain.

At this point, a staff member came outside and saw us. Curious, he asked what we were up to so we explained. He took pity on us, and offered to help. As he made his offer, an employee bus came around the corner. “Let me see if you can catch a ride.” he said. A few minutes later, we were loaded up on the bus, snacking on Joe Chocolates and peanut butter while the driver regaled us with stories from his time spent in the Denali backcountry. It felt like sweet, sweet success.

We finally reached the Yosemite Lodge, where we faced our next conundrum: with no responses from Elliot and no wallets, what should we do? We briefly entertained the idea of sleeping at Camp 4 but without a tent or sleeping pads and with my feet in need of some TLC, it was a grim prospect. So, I decided to approach the hotel staff and explain our situation. To my surprise and joy, it was the same woman who checked us in initially and she remembered us! She quickly got us sorted with a room using some sort of magic, and 10 minutes later I was showered, bandaged, and laying in bed.

We finally met up with Elliot, just in time to miss last call for dinner so we toasted marshmallows and ate housemate potato chips by the fire while we caught him up on our disaster. We all laughed, then went to bed. The next day we explored the valley, checking out some classic sights before hitting the road. Even though we didn’t achieve our objective, I’ll never forget the trip or the kindness of strangers that helped us stay safe and happy.

And that, my friends, is how to not ski to the Ostrander Hut.

Private Snowcoach Tour of West Yellowstone

Yellowstone National Park is an iconic destination, one I have had the privilege of visiting in the summer months when the wildlife is plentiful and the tourists abound. But, I had never visited it during the winter when a thick coat of snow coats the landscape, making for an ethereal experience with the thick plumes of steam dotting the horizon.

In January, Nick and I had the chance to take a private snow coach tour of the park courtesy of Visit Montana* and it was an incredible treat! We walked through geyser basins, watched the bison play, caught Old Faithful going off two times, and enjoyed the comfort and warmth of the coach as we transitioned from place to place.

Things to consider:

1. Your guide will check in with you upon entering the park to see what type of adventure you’re interested in having. It’s a good idea to do a little research before you hit the trail so you can prioritize your destinations, whether that’s strolling through steamy plumes, visiting Old Faithful, or getting a little further on foot for views of Grand Prismatic Hot Springs in the snow.

2. Feel free to load up on layers and snacks. You’ll have ample storage inside the snowcat for backpacks and snacks so bring layers you can take on and off as you hop in and out, and snacks for the day. You can also purchase snacks and keepsakes at the Old Faithful lodge if you make it that way!

3. To the point above, bring your wallet! Your guide isn’t responsible for purchasing additional items for you!

4. If you’re lucky, you’ll see plentiful wildlife while you’re out and about. Listen to your guide and maintain a safe distance between you and any animals you come upon while visiting. This is for your safety and the safety of the animals. A long lens is recommended for snapping photos from the safety of the snowcat.

That’s the long and the short of it! Get out there for your own adventure and let me know how it goes!

*The Montana State Tourism Board sponsored the trip, but has not asked me to create this content. I had such an amazing time and the experience was phenomenal so I want to share about it a little more.

Winter Fly Fishing in Paradise Valley

I have long been enchanted by fly fishing. There’s something about the graceful arc of a line cutting through the air that speaks of peace and contentment. Despite my interest, I have never had the opportunity to give it a try until this year.

On a recent trip with Visit Montana*, my friend Nick Lake and I found ourselves at the Montana Anglers office early one morning, steaming cups of coffee from Treeline in hand. That’s where we met Bill, our delightful teacher and guide for the day. He set the tone for the day by introducing himself as short in stature but tall in experience, an we immediately knew we were in for a blast!

After sorting out gear and licenses, we loaded up the truck with waders, boots, poles, tackle, and lunch and began our drive. Eventually we pulled into the gate to De Puy Spring Creek, a privately owned piece of heaven in the Paradise Valley. After checking in, Bill picked our first spot based on some sort of magical fish knowledge and we jumped in! Bill taught us the basics of casting, mending, presenting, and setting our lines so they floated naturally downstream in the hope of enticing a fish. We quickly fell into the rhythm, finding it peaceful and quite cozy in the bright sunshine.

Shortly thereafter, I CAUGHT MY FIRST FISH AND HOLY HECK I WAS SO EXCITED! I landed a beautiful rainbow trout, which Bill netted so we could gently disentangle it from the line. We snapped a few pics, making sure to keep the beautiful fish partially submerged, then set it free back into the crystalline waters of the creek. After a few hours of fishing, we nestled into one of the many warming huts on the property for a delicious lunch and chats with a local named Steve who regaled us with stories about his ducks and life growing up in Montana. When we were full and toasty, we picked a new location and got back to it. The rest of the day passed in a golden haze and when the sun finally began to sink below the mountains, we packed up and called it a day. Nick ultimately caught the most fish, with 5 to his name, while I caught the most salad. I left feeling pretty proud of my catches and I am happy to report that I’m currently planning 2 different fly fishing trips because I caught the fever, pun intended.

A few things to consider if you’re thinking of giving it a try:

1. You’ll need to purchase a fishing permit. You can do it in person at Montana Anglers or online. We found it much easier to do in person truth be told!

2. Bring layers! In the winter, it can get pretty chilly so you’ll want a solid base layer to wear under your waders to stay warm. I wore full body wool base layers, wool socks, down pants, and a down puffy underneath my waders with a baseball cap and thin beanie and I was set!

3. Bring your camera! The fish are as beautiful as the surroundings and you may want to take a few photos before you release the fish back into the creek!

4. Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen! Make sure you get the backs of your hands and the underside of your sun to protect against bounceback from the water!

5. Don’t forget your sunglasses, polarized if possible. You’ll want to protect your eyes and this will help you see the fish under the water!

That’s the long and the short of it! I hope you all have the chance to get out there and get after it. And, if you have other must-see fly fishing destinations, I am all ears!

*The Montana State Tourism Board sponsored the trip, but has not asked me to create this content. I had such an amazing time and the experience was phenomenal so I want to share about it and I can’t recommend Bill from Montana Anglers strongly enough.

Winter Ice Climbing in Hyalite Canyon

In 2013 I tried my hand at ice climbing a few times and absolutely loved it.  I found the experience exhilarating and wanted to give it another shot, but life got in the way. So, imagine my stoke upon seeing it as an option on a recent trip to Visit Montana with my friend and badass photographer Nick Lake. Spoiler alert: it was HIGH and yes, that’s a climbing pun.

Nick and I filled our packs with snacks and layers galore, then headed to the Spire Climbing Center in Bozeman to meet up with Sam, owner and guide extraordinaire from Montana Alpine Guides. After borrowing some necessary gear and chatting about our objectives and skill levels, we hit the road for the beautiful drive into Hyalite Canyon. Hyalite Canyon is home to the largest concentration of naturally occurring ice in the lower 48 and it’s incredibly beautiful to boot.

From the parking lot, we hiked up the hill for about 30 minutes or so to Mummy 2/Scepter area. Sam went over some fundamentals with us, and shortly thereafter the fun began. Nothing makes you feel quite as badass as swinging tools into a frozen waterfall and hearing that refreshing “THUNK” when it sinks in. Pair that feeling of power with the ruggedly beautiful landscape and the occasional blast of spindrift to the face and you have my idea of a perfect day!

A few things to consider:

1. Montana Alpine Guides can provide you with all the technical gear you need, so don’t worry about flying with mountaineering boots or crampons. Save the luggage space for layers and room to bring back some souvenirs!

2. While some familiarity with basic climbing principles (tying in, belaying, etc.) is useful, you don’t need a ton of experience to get out and have an amazing day. Simply communicate your skill level and experience to your guide and they will make sure to pick terrain that will be fun and comfortable for you!

3. You will be responsible for bringing certain items of clothing! Your guides will send you a list, but I want to emphasize the importance of layers so you can bulk up when you’re done climbing to stay warm and dry! I also highly recommend bringing a thermos of some hot tea, soup, or broth. Trust me, you’ll be thankful for it!

4. Winter Leave No Trace (LNT) ethics apply. That means packing out all food and human waste. If you’re not sure how to do the latter, check out my blog about how to do your business outside!

I hope you have the chance to get after some ice if you visit Montana this winter! If you do, I highly recommend a post-climb dinner at Bridger Brewing where the beers are gluten removed, the food is delicious, and the staff will take incredible care of you!

Let me know how it goes if you make it, I would love to hear more!

Note: The Montana State Tourism Board sponsored the trip, but has not asked me to create this content. I just had such an amazing time that I decided to spray about it via blog post because the experience was phenomenal and I can’t recommend Sam from Montana Alpine Guides strongly enough.

Lessons Learned From 2018

No matter where I look in my social circles these days, one message seems to resonate everywhere: 2018 was one for the books, and not always in the best of ways. It was similarly full of highs and lows for me, and I want to recap a few of the biggest things I learned as the year went by.

Shine Theory is real, and you need it in your life.

This year I intentionally sought out strong, interesting, powerful women to bring into my life. I have done this on various levels before but never in such a deliberate way. It’s not always an easy process. It demands that we put inspiration before jealousy or insecurity and reach out to folks who are living and manifesting our dreams. It requires vulnerability and in turn, builds bonds. It’s been an honor to watch all of their stories unfold over the course of the year, and to hold space for them however I can as they continue in their journeys. They bring a level of depth, beauty, thought, and candor to my life that has fundamentally altered the way I show up in the world for the better. My advice to you, whoever and wherever you are, is to do the same thing. Seek out powerful women. Make space for them in your lives. Nurture these relationships, and watch as you all bloom brighter than ever before.

Self Care is critical.

As I mentioned in a recent She Explores podcast, I tend to manifest trauma physically. The things I have failed to adequately address on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level add up, taking a toll on my physical health. For a while, I attempted to sweep them under the rug as if I could pretend everything away. It’s a little laughable in hindsight because it’s such a paradoxical response to something I know on a bone-deep level that I must address. But in March of 2018 my body let me know in no uncertain terms that it was done being forgotten and I had to unlearn some damaging habits and welcome some new ones. I had to create a new ritual for myself based in self care and self love rather than guilt or shame. I’m still working on this. I suspect I will always have to. But in a world that tells you it’s wrong to focus on yourself and take the time you need for the care you deserve, allow me to remind you of this: you deserve care. In fact, you require it. It’s the deep well from which all other forms of care and love spring.

Forgiveness and Grace are integral parts of every journey.

I would be lying if I told you I haven’t fucked up over the course of the last year. I make mistakes all the time and sometimes I’m lucky enough to be aware of them, whether that’s because someone raised an issue to me or I was able to discern them myself. I’ll level with you: I hate making mistakes. Part of that is rooted in a desire to both be and be seen as good--a remnant from my childhood and the society we live in. Part of it is rooted in sadness at hurting the people I love or the communities I aim to serve.

When I was younger, I met every mistake with anger and defiance. As I grow, I have learned that my anger only serves my ego and even then, only in a shortsighted way. These days, I try to practice forgiveness and grace for myself so I can get to the root of the mistake and learn a better way forward. Ultimately, mistakes are opportunities to learn. I’m also trying to extend that same forgiveness and grace to others as they follow their own paths. It isn’t easy. There are times when I want to rage against myself and others for doing things that seem so obviously wrong but I have found that when I take a few seconds to breathe and respond with humility and kindness, the conversation always turns out better than it otherwise would have. I hope to carry this lesson and practice into all of my coming years.

Boundaries are healthy.

Over the course of my life I have struggled to draw appropriate, healthy boundaries with people. Sometimes I have been too lax, letting energy vampires into my life who take deeply and endlessly without ever giving back. At other times, especially when I feel threatened or insecure, I have been too intense, building a labyrinth of walls around myself to prevent anyone from getting in. Striking a balance between these two approaches has been an intentional focus of mine over the past year. It’s important to remember that we don’t owe our energy or the most intimate details of ourselves to everyone. We don’t need to be universally liked because frankly, all of us have facets that will rub someone, somewhere, the wrong way. What we do need is to show up with authenticity and integrity, then practice discernment to find the people who resonate with us on a healthy, reciprocal level. For me, that means finding people who embrace candor, laughter, adventure, hard conversations, and a healthy dose of terrible puns and bringing them deep into my circle. It means saying “no thank you” to folks who don’t. Not in a mean way, but firmly all the same. You deserve a community that will support you, keep you accountable, and shower you in love. As the saying goes, build it and they will come.

There you have it, friends. The four biggest takeaways from a year full of incredible moments and deep sorrows. I hope they resonate with some of you and that if you have lessons to share, you’ll drop me a line.

Take care of yourselves and stay safe as you ring in the new year. Sending (very healthy amounts of) love out into the world.

Memories Over Stuff: A Washington Experience-Giving Guide

We’re in the thick of the holidays and it’s a stressful time of year. Here in the PNW, the weather usually takes a turn for the bleak as folks scurry around, trying to catch up with family and friends while navigating the finances and norms of gift-giving.

Whether you’re feeling strapped for cash or searching for the perfect present for the person who has everything, consider giving the gift of experience and memories over stuff this holiday season. I have rounded up a few of my favorite adventures below and encourage you to grab the ones you love for some quality time together outside this holiday season.

Snowshoeing, Sledding and Touring at Paradise

Paradise is aptly named. No matter the season, it’s a dreamy spot with a lot of options for the beginner adventurist and seasoned explorer alike. You can grab some sleds and hit the mini slopes to watch children and adults alike shrieking with laughter as they slide down the snow in the shadow of Tahoma, take a guided snowshoe tour with a ranger, or have a walkabout at your leisure, taking in the sights from Panorama Point to the Tatoosh and beyond.

Things to consider:

1. A piping hot thermos of soup, hot cocoa, or tea will add some flair and magic to your day! Throw it in your backpack, then unpack when hunger strikes for a festive picnic in the snow!

2. Be careful with timing. The gates to Paradise close each night for maintenance and safety issues. You’ll need to be down the mountain before then, or risk a hefty fine. The best resource is the MRNP Twitter account, which you can view here:

3. Check the avalanche forecast! This applies to every winter adventure in the Cascades. Certain routes in the area pass through or under avalanche terrain. Make sure you check the avalanche forecast on NWAC before heading out, and stay safe!

Experience the Ape Cave Lava Tube at Mount St. Helens

Mount St. Helens is home to the longest continuous lava tube cave in the continental United States. At just shy of 2 miles, it’s a relatively easy tromp through a fascinating natural feature, though you do have to traverse the occasional rock pile and a few slippery water-logged features. Keep your eyes peeled for the natural windows, which provide the perfect opportunity for some dramatic photos and bring water and snacks with you! Pro-tip: I much prefer hiking to the far end of the caves, then returning under the ground!

Things to consider:

1. You will definitely want headlamps and maybe even flashlights as it’s very dark inside! Consider backup batteries in the event that you want to linger!

2. Wear a raincoat and layer up! It can be a bit chilly and drippy inside of the caves, so have a few layers handy and definitely bring a raincoat to stay dry.

3. Grab some hand sanitizer and pack a picnic to be enjoyed after the caves! You’ll definitely get your hands a little dirty inside, so save the big snacks for a post-adventure meal if you can!

Head East and visit the Palouse Falls

Palouse Falls is a remnant from Ice Age and one of the most striking falls in Washington state! Water plunges 200 feet to a pool below, and the spines of a nearby ridge lend an ethereal quality to the spot! It’s a bit of a drive, but more than worth it to take in the views and hike around the area.

Things to consider:

1. Early winter sunsets make catching the glow at the falls a reasonable winter adventure, giving you plenty of time to drive home and sleep in your own bed if you’re just going for a day trip! Grab a thermos of something hot and tuck in for the show.

2. Be careful as you explore the area surrounding the falls. Waterlogged slopes can be more unstable so stick to the marked trails and take in the views safely!

3. Check the pass before you hit the road if you’re heading over I-90, and go prepared! Safety first, friends!

Visit the Olympic Peninsula

The Peninsula offers something for everyone. Looking for a spot to play in the snow? You can’t go wrong with Hurricane Ridge, Lower and Upper Lena Lakes, Mount Storm King, or one of the many other popular winter hiking destinations. Fancying some time in the hot springs? The Olympic Peninsula has those too! Itching for a little winter beach time? Check, check, and check! Grab your loved ones and hit the road for a memorable adventure!

Things to consider:

1. Many of the coastal destinations on the Peninsula require that you purchase a recreation pass from the Makah tribe. Please respect all tribal rules and regulations as you recreate on tribal land, and honor the work they are doing to preserve these places.

2. If possible, plan your route to include a ferry ride. Washington ferries are a fun, beautiful way to make your way around. Always double check the WSF ferry site before you go for schedules and seasonal closures. Bonus points: they serve local beers and wines on board so grab a designated driver and a glass of something delicious.

3. Coastal weather is mercurial. Make sure you have layers and waterproof gear so you’re ready for anything the peninsula throws at you!

Catch Sunset at Artist Point

At 4 miles roundtrip, the trek up to Artist Point in the winter is moderate and incredibly rewarding! Skirt around the active resort area and climb toward Table Mountain until you’re greeted with incredible views of the Canadian border peaks, Mount Shuksan, Mount Baker (originally and most accurately known as Koma Kulshan) and other stellar views of the North Cascades. It’s a great spot to layer up and hunker down for sunset and if you’re lucky, you’ll be treated to gorgeous pink light washing over Shuksan as the sun goes down. Before you get too cold, strap on a headlamp and make your way back to the car, then head down the hill for pizza and burgers at Chair 9.

Things to consider:

1. As with the rest of the Cascade locations, be cognizant of avalanche risk and the terrain you’re traversing on your explorations. Stay safe out there.

2. The trail skirts around active ski areas. Respect the trail boundaries or you’ll run amuck of the Mount Baker Ski resort staff!

3. Consider grabbing a spot at the Baker Lodge if you’re not interested in making the trek in a day!

What are your favorite adventures to share with loved ones in the winter? I would love to hear all about them!

Escape Adventures: E-biking through Utah

I recently had the opportunity to take an e-bike and hiking tour through Utah with Escape Adventures. It’s hard to sum the trip up in just one word, so here are three: fun, dreamy, and insanelybeautiful (I know, I know, I cheated)!

Jaylyn, Jen and Stacy leading the charge in Snow Creek Canyon, Utah. Ancestral lands of the Paiute People.

The trip began with a tour of the LEED certified Las Vegas Cyclery where we learned a bit about the company and their passion for biking and protecting the environment. After loading up on the essentials, we piled into the Escape Adventures van with Jen, Troy, and Merrick and hit the road! The van soon entered beautiful sandstone canyons and dreamy landscapes and the Escape Adventures crew made sure to fill us in on local lore and highlights. We stopped at our first departure point for a bike fitting and demo, and then the trip really kicked off!

Have you ever seen so many beautiful e-bikes?

Over the course of the next couple of days, we rode through wide open spaces and staggering canyons with sheer, red walls. The electric boost of the bikes kept us going strong on the longer climbs and Jen, Troy, and Merrick kept us fueled up on delicious food, coffee, and a whole lot of stoke. We ditched the bikes for some beautiful hikes through Bryce Canyon and Zion, marveling at the beauty along the way. I was especially blessed to bike with Jaylyn Gough, founder of Native Women's Wilderness, who shared the history and significance of the land as we passed through reservations and tribal boundaries. If you follow in our footsteps, I hope you’ll take a moment to honor the land and acknowledge the history of these places.

Jaylyn, taking in the views.

The culminating night of our trip found us eating grilled salmon and roasted potatoes at the Hatch Hut, a unique spot that Escape Adventures has been working on for years. The hut is constructed from upcycled cargo containers and beautiful in its simplicity and thoughtful design. It has a kitchen, bunk beds, cozy living space, and a lovely shower to wash off the dust after a long day on the trail. The first of its kind, it will eventually be connected to 3 other huts and over a hundred miles of bike-accessible trails. It’s the realization of a lot of hard work, evinced by the space itself and the passion with which Merrick, Troy and Jen shared it with us. Spending our last evening there was a treat and in some ways, it felt more like a new beginning than an end. I can’t wait to go back for more!

If you’re thinking of hitting the trail with Escape Adventures, here’s a little list of essentials to take with you to make it that much more comfortable and fun:

1. Bike shorts

   I made the mistake of going without bike shorts and let me just tell you, you are going to want a pair! The ease of an e-bike doesn’t take away from having a sore tush!

2. Polarized glasses

   Weather is variable and if you’re lucky, the sun will be shining! Snag a pair of polarized glasses to keep your eyes protected from wind, sun, and bugs as you hit the trail!

3. Buff or Balaclava

   A crucial piece for chilly mornings that doubles as a sweatband if you turn off the e-boost like I did! Keeps your face warm while you bike and makes you look extra fly!

4. Layers layers layers

   You will start chilly, warm up, cool down as you scarf on the scrumptious snacks the crew makes you, then warm back up again! You’ll want a nice light layer, insulating mid layer (I’m a huge fan of a vest), and windproof/waterproof layer just in case it starts pouring!

5. Hydration pack

   A hydration pack is the easiest way to stay hydrated on the go. No need to stop and grab your water bottle if you have constant access to water! Bonus points: you won’t be using single use plastics or contributing to the garbage and recycling problem as you refill along the way!

6. Sunscreen

   You’ll want sunscreen for your face and body at altitude, even on semi-cloudy days. Slather some on, then snag a selfie before you hit the road!

7. Camera

   The Escape Adventures crew will take you to some jaw-droppingly beautiful places. Grab your camera, you’ll want to document the experience to remember for years to come!

Want to learn more about the different tours that Escape Adventures offers? Check out their website and drop them a line!

Autocamp at Russian River: A Luxurious Retreat

Saying my summer was busy is putting it mildly. It was a whirlwind of travel, moving, climbing, and sorting through life. When the opportunity to spend a few days at Autocamp at Russian River with my dear friend Paulina arose, I immediately said "YES!" 

Nestled in the stillness of the redwoods, the Autocamp grounds are thoughtfully designed for maximum relaxation and fun. You can squeeze a fresh glass of orange juice each morning, play games on the lawn or sip a local wine from the Autocamp store without leaving the property. Each Airstream suite features luxe details, like Malin + Goetz toiletries, plush bedding and towels, and incredible lighting details that will have you contemplating moving in forever.

When you’re ready to hit the nearby town of Guerneville, there are plenty of options to keep you occupied! From oyster happy hour to paddling or floating the river to wandering the nearby Goat Rock Beach, there’s something for everyone! Paulina and I started each morning with a little feast, then wandered through the local shops and boutiques. We caught sunset at the beach, and made it back in time for s’more around the fire with new friends. It was the perfect way to spend a couple of days and I’m looking forward to the opening of their Yosemite location in February of 2019! Fingers crossed I can snag a spot for Matt and I to go visit

Gear Review: The Self Care Edition

I spend a lot of showerless days and uncomfortable nights in the mountains, playing hard and getting dirty. In honor of the hard work my body puts in, I like to treat myself in the mountains and when I get back home. These are a few of my favorite products and services to do just that*!

1. Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes

I take these lightweight wipes into the backcountry to keep my face clean and happy while I get after it! Bonus points: they smell AMAZING!

2. Chuao Chocolates

Don't be fooled by the label, these are actually little squares of joy! Tuck a few in the snack pouch of your pack for a pick-me-up on the trail, or save them for dessert. I always keep a few squares around for a sweet break!

3. Alpen Organics Mind & Body

Whether I’m looking for a cream to rub on bruises and sore spots or something to calm my mind and help me fall asleep when thoughts of bears dance through my brain, these are my go-to products! Use code “MISSMEGHANYOUNG” for a little discount when you check out!

4. Backpacker’s Pantry Crème Brulee

This has become a mountain tradition for long days in the alpine. Nothing says “GOOD WORK!” like tucking in to some delicious creme brûlée after a successful (or unsuccessful) summit with the crew! You’ll go to bed with a full tummy and smile on your face!

5. Feathered Friends Down Booties/Pants

When the weather gets cold, I don’t leave home without my down pants and booties. Lightweight and compactible, they easily fit in my pack and keep me toasty warm when we are snow camping or hanging around in super cold environments.

6. West Seattle Chiropractics

Heavy packs and strenuous days wreak havoc on my body. I’m especially prone to lower back issues ever since a snowboarding accident left me with some herniated discs and a fractured tailbone. The combination of chiropractic work + professional massage therapy keeps me feeling good and going strong during mountain season. I can’t recommend the amazing folks at West Seattle Chiro enough!

7. Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant

I’m a sunscreen fanatic and after a few days in the backcountry, you can’t miss the layer of sweat, sunscreen, bug spray and dirt all over my face. This gentle scrub takes it all off and leaves my skin soft and glowing. Let’s be real: no one wants pimples in the backcountry or after an epic trip and this scrub helps keep me breakout free for all those IG stories ;)

8. Marketspice Cinnamon Orange Tea

Whether I’m in the backcountry or at home, this fragrant tea warms me up with it’s bold spices and cinnamon flavor. Pro tip: it’s equally delicious by it’s own or with a little bourbon thrown in for a nighttime toddy!

Do you have self-care favorites for the backcountry or home? I would love to hear about them!

*I have not been paid for these endorsements in any way.

Thoughts on Outdoor Elitism & The Social Media Excuse

A quick scan of my social feeds reveals a new trend in the outdoor industry: articles that blame an uptick in outdoor accidents and environmental degradation on social media and beginner adventurers.

Paulina Dao ascends the trail to Black Tusk in British Columbia. It's a lovely place, though heavily impacted by traffic. If you go, consider packing out some trash on your descent.

Though occasionally citing concerns over objective safety risks, these articles are riddled with problematic assumptions and written in the language of elitism, ableism, and exclusion. Rather than offering solutions to the impacts posed by the inevitable rise of humans in the outdoors, they gloat over their own superiority while shaming others for their lack of knowledge and experience. This is damaging to the point about safety and sound outdoor ethics and to the community at large. We should talk about risk and responsible recreation but the way we do it matters. It’s important to unpack what’s going on here while offering concrete solutions and actionable items grounded in the understanding that everyone deserves to get outside.

In order to fully understand this issue, one must consider the context it operates within. Public lands are inherently political spaces with a history of exclusion. The places that we hold so dear are the original homes and sacred places of Indigenous groups across the United States. The parks and wilderness areas that now dot these landscapes only exist because of the forcible, violent removal of Indigenous People from their land. In their infancy, procured through long political and legal battles, the parks were frequented by white males—a tradition that’s alive and well today. Although there’s a strong movement for equitable representation in outdoor spaces, they still remain largely white, male, and affluent. Thus, when we insinuate that new folks shouldn’t get outside, we implicate these issues and accidentally or otherwise, perpetuate the racist history of public lands.

I love this campsite. I have spent many nights there, watching alpenglow set these peaks on fire. In recognition of that, I won't be applying for permits to visit it for several years so that others can go in my stead. I hope they enjoy it just as much as I have.

The good news is, there’s another way. We can have a conversation about the inherent risk(s) of outdoor activity and sound outdoor ethics without excluding folks who deserve to get outside just as much as anyone else. More than that, we can offer resources, education, and our own stories as guidance and we can do so with empathy. Without further ado, here’s a list of 6 actionable items we can all engage in to make the outdoors safer and more enjoyable for everyone.

1. Mentor. A rich part of the outdoor tradition, this is an incredible way to help others get outside in a safe, ethical fashion. I’m willing to bet that if you’re already engaging in the outdoors, you had a mentor somewhere along the way who showed you the ropes and offered feedback and corrections when you made mistakes. Mentorship can be as simple as taking friends outside or sharing a link to the Leave No Trace (LNT) principles and patiently explaining them, or as committed as working with an outdoor non-profit. A few of my favorite local organizations are Vertical Generation, SheJumps, and Outdoors For All.

2. Volunteer: The trails and spaces we love don’t maintain themselves. Thankfully, there are innumerable organizations that volunteer their time to pick up trash and maintain trail systems so we can get outside. In Washington state, you can join the WTA, The Access Fund, The Washington Climbers Coalition (WCC), and a variety of local orgs for work parties and other events. The need for volunteers never ends. This is a great way to give back to the places you love.

3. Talk about 1 & 2 to your friends and share across your social media platforms. Let people know what you’re up to, how they can join you, and why you’re giving up your time for these causes. Encourage them to get out and join you. The best work parties I have been on are the ones that include friends and the more folks who are visibly doing this work, the better!

4. Consider opting out. If you have been to a wild place, especially one that’s permit-controlled, don’t go back for a while. Reduce your impact on the trail while creating space for someone else to see and experience it in your stead. Find a new place to explore; there are so many of them out there!

5. Vote. Comment on matters that are put to the public. Engage. This is a really easy action item that can have a huge impact on wilderness areas and the way we use them.

6. Look inward. We are all human and bound to get frustrated when we see problematic behavior on the trail. When it happens, take a deep breath and consider how to approach the situation. While shouting occasionally feels good and scratches a certain itch, it rarely results in productive discourse or teaching moments. Try to remember how you felt as a beginner adventurist. Things that may seem obvious now probably weren’t on your radar back then. Remember that, then proceed with civility and kindness.

Another favorite place. To reduce my impact on it, I have started going in the off-season and make sure we leave the hut and the trail better than we found it every time. 

Do you have other resources or ideas about how folks can get outside, safely? I would love to hear them! In the meantime, be kind to each other. We are all trying to chase our joy.

Gear Review: Arc'teryx Norvan VT GTX

I'm the kind of person who resists wearing boots whenever possible. I prefer the weight and feel of trailrunners as I cruise up and down the trail. They offer stability, sticky rubber, and the breathability I want when I'm outside. Nevertheless, finding something comfortable for my wide foot has been tricky. Enter the Norvan VT GTX.

Taking in the views from the summit of Black Peak.

Lightweight yet supportive, they have become my go-to for everything from day hikes to summit scrambles! I wore them on the summit of Shuksan, all the way up and down Glacier Peak via the Gerdine Ridge, and even out and about in town!

Pros: 

• lightweight
• adjustable lace system for extra support on the downhill
• super rad colors
• supportive and comfortable, even for my wide feet

Cons:

• not available in metallic colors
• better suited for lighter pack loads
• mesh side vents are susceptible to tearing in heavy scree

All things considered, this is a great shoe that I will wear until they give out, and then get another pair!

Gear Review: Katadyn BeFree

I drink a lot of water when we hit the trail and I'm always looking for the easiest, fastest, and tastiest way to fill up from alpine lakes and streams.

Enter the Katadyn BeFree water filtration system. Lightweight and super easy to use, they consist of two parts: a bottle or "flask" and a filter that's built into the cap. 

Remove the filter, fill the bag at your favorite lake or stream, pop the top back on and away you go. As an added bonus, the filter is super easy to clean. Just pop it off, swish it around in the water, then pop it back in. I have been using mine for several months now and it has saved us so much time on the trail!

The Pros:

•  lightweight and very packable
• incredibly easy to use
• incredibly easy to clean
• comes in a variety of sizes

The Cons:

• bacterial filter only; check out some of their other products if you're traveling to an area with known viral contaminants
• not the best option for large groups
• not suitable for freezing weather

All things considered, this is a great option if you're hitting the trail in the Spring, Summer and Fall and you want to go fast and light. 10/10 would recommend!

Trail Chat: The Dos and Dont's of Talking to Strangers

I’m hiking up the trail with my 65 liter pack on, relishing the tart huckleberries and fact that I’ll have my tent set up and a glass of wine poured just as alpenglow hits. In a state of sweaty bliss, I round a corner and bump into a group of men. “Hey guys!” I say. “Hey,” they respond. “You know the sun is going down soon, right?”

Nearing the summit of Mount Olympius. Feeling fine, thanks for asking. Photo: Daniel Fineman

Seconds later, my male partner bumps into them as well. “Hey guys,” he says. “What’s up, man? Great day!” they say.

Insert facepalm here.

REALLY CHAD, TIM, and [INSERT OTHER BRO NAME HERE]*? REALLY?

I wish I could say this was the only time I have had similar such encounters, but it’s not. Sadly, I’m not alone in this. Despite no evidence of injury**, despair, objective risk, or the zombie apocalypse, my presence and ability/preparedness on the trail is questioned virtually every time I go out.

This is problematic. Before you chime in with a chorus of “but it’s not because you’re a woman,” let me stop you. Deep down, we all know why this happens. Therefore, I would like to offer some scenarios with appropriate responses for future reference. That way, we all win.

Scenario 1:

You encounter a person on the trail. There is no evidence of injury or imminent harm. They seem reasonably prepared, with a backpack and other gear as needed to support their adventure.

What should you say? Try this: “Hello!”

Things to avoid: “Are you out here alone?” “Are you okay?” “That’s a mighty heavy pack for a girl.” “I love seeing women hit the trail.” ANY COMMENTS ON PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

Scenario 2:

You encounter a person on the trail. There is no evidence of injury or imminent harm. You notice they don’t have the gear you deem necessary for the adventure, but you don’t know them, their experience level, their objective for the day, or anything else about them because THEY ARE A STRANGER.

What should you say? Try this: “Hello!”

Things to avoid: Pretty much anything but a neutral greeting, unless they strike up a conversation.

Scenario 3:

You encounter a person on the trail. There is no evidence of injury or imminent harm. They seem reasonably prepared, with a backpack and other gear as needed to support their adventure. You notice they are heading deeper into the backcountry and that daylight will soon end.

What should you say? Try this: “Hello!”

Things to avoid: Any comments about the impending sunset BECAUSE ANYONE WHO ISN’T AN INFANT KNOWS THAT THE SUN SETS EVERY DAY BUT THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN.

Scenario 4:

You encounter a person on the trail. They are displaying evidence of distress or injury.

What should you say? Try this: “Hello!” Perhaps your perception of distress is merely the result of them pushing themselves to get that cardio in or hit a new PR. Perhaps they are recovering from an injury. Perhaps they tumbled and are a little sore, but otherwise fine. Perhaps they need help. Either way, the conversation should begin neutrally, then develop from there. If they ask for help, give it.

Things to avoid: “Are you okay?” right off the bat. Lectures. Condescension. Body shaming.

Scenario 5:

You encounter a person on the trail who is obviously injured or so ill-prepared that they are posing a serious objective risk to themselves and others (think shorts and tank top in a blizzard).

What should you say? How about this: “Hello!” Even in emergency situations, it’s important to keep your cool and communicate clearly and effectively with the folks who may need your help. Check in, introduce yourself, assess the situation, and call for help if needed.

Things to avoid: Elitist or ableist comments. Lectures. Someone in dire need of assistance is probably very aware that they made a mistake. There’s a time to teach, and there’s a time to STFU and take care of business.

There you have it, folks. My handy dandy guide to not being a presumptuous jerk in the outdoors. Happy trails!

*My apologies to the very sweet, feminist Chads and Tims of the world who would never dream of doing this. Sorry ‘bout your name!

**Actually, the one time I was visibly bleeding on a hike (on the summit of Mount Saint Helens in a sports bra and bare feet no less), the dudes who approached me proposed instead of offering me a bandaid. Shoutout to the woman on the trail who lent me some extras!

Yes, I am on the summit of this volcano in a sports bra and bare feet. No, I don't need any assistance but I will accept Nutella donations.  Photo: Ryuhei Yokokawa

Borneo Explored: 7 Travel Tips to Make the Most of Your Visit!

Have you ever been to Borneo? I had heard tales of how wonderful it was, but never been myself until this year. 

Such an amazing bunch of humans! Photo credit: Kristen Kellogg

That's why I was so excited to visit Malaysia with Singapore Air and fellow adventurers Rachel Rudwall, Kristen Kellogg and Justin Walter when the opportunity presented itself in March! It was a delightful trip to the beautiful Island of Borneo, and I won’t soon forget the memories and laughs we shared there. If you haven’t considered Borneo for your next trip, I highly recommend adding it to your list!

Borneo is the third-largest island in the world and an absolute gem of an island. Sabah is one of the 13 states of Borneo, located in the North. With its lush, ancient rainforest, it’s critical habitat for many of the world's most amazing animals, including the the endangered Bornean orangutan. It is an important refuge for many endemic forest species, including the Borneo elephant, the eastern Sumatran rhinoceros, the Bornean clouded leopard, the hose's palm civet and the dayak fruit bat, many of which we got to see on our trup. More than that, it’s also home to some of the kindest humans I have encountered on recent travels, and that’s saying a lot! If you’re planning a visit (and if you’re not, you should be), here are 7 travel tips and ideas to make the most of it!

1. Packing 101

If you’re like me, the first thing you do when planning a trip to a new location is research what to pack! I always want to be prepared for whatever comes my way, which saves time and money on the ground! For the most part, you won’t need anything super specialized to visit Borneo unless you’re planning to trek through the jungle, in which case you will need a few special items.  If you’re sticking to river cruises and tamer walks like we did, these basics will see you through:

1. Mosquito repellant. Bring your favorite brand from home and apply liberally whenever the bugs are out.
2. An electrolyte supplement. It’s quite warm in Sabah so you’ll want to stay hydrated throughout the day.
3. A reusable water bottle so you can travel responsibly. No need to worry about recycling or creating trash when you can simply refill your own bottle!
4. Sunscreen and plenty of it!
5. A hat
6. Sunglasses
7. A camera. There are so many amazing moments to capture, you’ll want to make sure you have a camera. If you’re aiming to capture the wildlife, check out this specific list of camera gear. Otherwise, whatever you have will do!

2. Food, food and more FOOD

The food in Borneo is delicious. Repeat after me: DELICIOUS! I’m always a fan of sampling local cuisine at little restaurants or markets and thankfully we found both to be abundant in Borneo! Whether you’re looking for a quaint restaurant or the more rustic food from a market, it’s ALL delicious. Pro tip: if you have Celiac disease like me, be sure to communicate clearly with your guide and companions before making selections. Malaysian food is rich with wheat-based soy sauce, but there are plenty of good options to be had! I definitely recommend using a food allergy translation app or service for added protection or if you’re heading out on your own.

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3. Visit The Bornean Sun Bear Conservation Centre

When I heard we were visiting the Bornean Sun Bear Conservation center, I immediately hopped online and began googling these little cuties. With their small size and vibrant chest patches, they will steal your heart, just like they did for founder Dr. Wong. If you have the chance, visit the center early in the day when the bears are climbing to escape the damp ground in search of sunshine and snacks. You’ll be delighted to see them climbing!

4. Check Out the Sepilok Orangutan Rehabilitation Centre

Located just around the corner from the Sun Bears, the centre is home to to almost 80 orangutans of various ages. The centre focuses on teaching each animal the skills it needs to survive; whether in the nursery or by pairing a younger orangutan with one that’s more experienced with the ultimate aim of reintroduction to the wild! Make sure to stop by the nursery and prepare yourself for some adorable antics and if you want to increase your odds of seeing the larger orangutans, go during feeding time!

5. Go to the Sukau Rainforest Lodge and take a river cruise with Borneo Eco Tours

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Founded in the 1990s, Sukau Rainforest Lodge is beautifully crafted with a focus on promoting sustainability from an environmental and social standpoint. They have implemented several different programs to achieve this, from hiring 80% of their staff from the local community to converting to energy practices that minimize their impact,  to helping reforest the local area. In short: it’s the kind of place that makes you feel good about traveling. Take a dip in the pool, enjoy the occasional sight of the resident Orangutan as you walk along the boardwalks, then grab a life jacket and hop on a boat for a river tour of the Kinabatangan river. Wildlife is abundant and if you’re lucky, you’ll see monkeys, birds, and even a crocodile or two while your expert guide fills you in on the local scene. It’s an experience that you’ll carry with you well into the future. When you finally leave, make sure you stop by the Gomantong Cave. Go early, the best light is around 9-10am and if you're lucky, the cave won't be crowded!

6. Shop Local at the Filipino Market in Kota Kinabalu

Located along the water, this market hums with life. Organized by categories of food, you can wander down the rows of fresh fruit, dry goods, spices, and fish and take in the sights, sounds, and smells. Sit for a minute and just take it in as the vendors call out their wares. I highly recommend sampling the local mangosteen and stopping for a tasty bite here and there. Double points if you grab an ice cold Milo as you walk around! There are options for every palate and it’s a sensory experience that you won’t want to miss!

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7. Hit the Beach

Once you’re done exploring the markets and stuffing yourself with food, do a little beach hopping! No trip to Borneo would be complete without a boat tour of some local island destinations! Grab your swimsuit and your sunscreen, then hop onboard. Once you travel to the islands, you can snorkel, paraglide, and even do a zipline over the turquoise water. If relaxing is more your style, no worries. Sit in the sand with a freshly cracked coconut and watch the waves float by.

THANK YOU TO OUR TRIP SPONSORS!

A HUGE shoutout to our trip sponsors, who made this dream come true. Thanks to Singapore Air, for treating us to luxurious business class accommodations, including the use of the lounge during our layovers! We traveled in comfort and style thanks to you! I napped on my pullout bed, had access to endless gluten free snacks and drinks, and finally caught up on several movies and the entire first season of Handmaids Tale, all while being pampered by the kindest staff imaginable. 

 Huge thanks to Jeremy and the entire staff at the Hilton Kota Kinabalu for a feast fit for queens, and all of your kindness in taking care of us. I wish we had more time to spend on that rooftop pool! 

To Jeffrey, Dean, Sonny and all of the other fine folks at Sticky Rice Travel: you took phenomenal care of us and made sure we got the most out of every experience on the ground! From pharmacy stops to the best iced coffee to showing us the gems of the Island, you made our trip so special! 

Finally, to Sabah Tourism and Malaysian Tourism for hosting us so graciously and letting us see what Borneo is all about! It was an honor to visit and learn more about this special place and I am already dreaming up my next Bornean adventure!

Photo credit: Kristen Kellogg

Women, Wild Places, and Belonging: A Note on Aesthetic Alienation

I was sitting in bed in Switzerland on a women’s adventure trip, basking in the glow of a solid day of hard work when it happened: I opened Facebook and saw an article pop to the top of my feed wherein a certain type of woman was being dissected, ostensibly because her aesthetic wasn’t “authentic" enough for the author to consider her “outdoorsy,” despite photos of said woman in wild places. From there, it took a nosedive into familiar territory: tearing certain types of women down based on their looks or clothing alone while setting up a false dichotomy wherein badassery and a certain aesthetic are mutually exclusive. 

This is problematic. This is a distraction. This should not be praised. This has to stop.

I have written about the fucked up scarcity model that’s pitting women against each other in our quest for recognition and space in the outdoor world. We have been sold the idea that there’s only space at the top for a few of us and that if we want to be successful, we have to smash every woman who stands in our way, thus excluding her from admission into the club. The easiest way to begin tearing other women down, so it seems, is to pick on the obvious: outward expression. Articles that do this are symptomatic of the scarcity phenomenon and they proliferate. More of them have been written and published than I care to count. While they may scratch a collective jealous itch, it’s important to recognize what that itch is rooted in, then nip it in the bud.

That said, there are several things going on here that need to be acknowledged.

The first is that ALL female-identifying folx deserve to see representations of themselves in outdoor media and beyond.

That there’s a dearth of equal representation can’t be denied. One need only look at the latest outdoor catalogue or guidebook to see that. Outdoor media is dominated, first and foremost, by men, and secondly, by white women. The lack of diversity is disheartening. For those struggling to find a sense of community or resonance in outdoor spaces, it’s damaging.

Societally-defined and constructed archetypes of beauty are thrust upon us everyday. From social media to print ads to billboards and marketing campaigns, we digest other people's ideas of beauty all the time. Some of these ideas repeat throughout history and across media, creating a construct of beauty that we have seen time and time again: the outrageously attractive, fit white woman with nary a wrinkle or dimple in sight. This narrow construction misses the complexity and richness of the individual—reducing us to a singular plane of existence. It’s woman as object, and this reductive approach is archaic and damaging. Some women fit into the archetype on a purely physical level. The majority do not. Regardless of how we see ourselves reflected in these standards, they affect us. The data on this point is clear.

No one is immune to this pressure and we all react to it in different ways. Some try to conform, whether that means changing their style of dress, doing their makeup a certain way, opting for surgical procedures or other enhancements, or more. For some people, this is as much an issue of mental and physical safety as it is soul-searching. Consider transwomen whose safety can be predicated on their ability to pass i.e. be correctly perceived as the gender with which they identify. Consider those with scars and other physical marks that affect their sense of confidence and self-worth—acting as triggers for trauma that they have been working to escape. Consider women who have never seen a representation of themselves in outdoor media and are simply looking for a sense of belonging.

Tearing these women down and telling them they don’t belong because they’re wearing makeup and curating their aesthetic isn’t just annoying, it’s cruel, ignorant, and tone deaf.

That's me, asking the age old question while leading up the West Ridge of Prusik Peak: if you place pro while wearing leggings, do you even climb? Photo courtesy of Nick Lake. 

Other women rebel against these pressures, lashing out at norms that they view as damaging or inapt and experimenting with their self expression. Experimenting is a process that can take days, months, years, even lifetimes and it's subject to change. It's important to note that as difficult as this process is, it's not available to everyone, whether they lack the confidence, community, or privilege to explore these aspects of themselves.

Wherever you're at with this, my deepest hope is that as we move forward in our own processes, we arrive at a place where we can sit comfortably with ourselves—whatever our outward expression, and know that we belong.

That said, it’s 100% inappropriate for me to call out your appearance and self-expression because it doesn’t align with my ideas about what a woman looks like. That kind of thinking is rooted in bias and discriminatory stereotypes. It's similarly inappropriate to assume that aesthetics have any bearing on our abilities. If you reduce women to the status of "lesser than" simply because of their looks, you are a part of the problem. If you try to exclude her from the table because of how she looks, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

If this has struck a chord with you, I hope you'll join me in directing your anger at the source of these constructs. Harness your power to create change. Support companies who represent a broad spectrum of humanity. Use your platform to uplift diversity, rather than tearing others down. Remember that words have power, so yield yours deliberately. Consider the difference between these two approaches:

1. Women who have [insert arbitrary descriptor here] aren’t authentic. Their motives are suspect and they are a danger to themselves and others. They do not belong outside so I will not uplift their stories.   

2. We aim to uplift women in their diverse forms by asking them who they are, what they are about, and what they hope to accomplish. We will showcase diversity of physicality, background, accomplishment, and thought.

Now say those phrases were people and not just words. Who would you want to hang out with? Who would you invite on your trip? While the former may satisfy the jealous monster inside of all of us (and as humans, we all have one), I suspect most of you will choose the latter.

The thing about mountains is, they don't care what you're wearing or how you look as long as you show up prepared and give them the respect they are due. 

So, what do we do moving forward?

1. Check yourself. When you feel the urge to deny the authenticity of a women or refuse to let her take up space because of how she looks, stop and think. What’s really going on there? What assumptions are you making based on appearance alone? What do these assumptions indicate about you and how will you use that knowledge to adapt moving forward?

2. Check others. When you hear or see someone engaging in this behavior, call it out. It can be an uncomfortable process but we need to hold each other accountable.

3. If you’re on the receiving end of this feedback, take a deep breath, listen, and reflect. Realizing you have hurt someone by making these mistakes can cause sadness, guilt, shame, and a whole host of other responses. Before you respond, stop and listen to what you're being told, introspect, and if you realize that you’ve been engaging in problematic behavior, own your mistakes. Offer a sincere apology, then use what you have learned to make a change.

4. Support companies that uplift diversity and call out companies and brands who don’t. Make noise. We have a lot of power as a collective, but we must choose to wield it.

5. Support women who do the same. Some amazing voices who do just this are: Ambreen Tariq of Brown People Camping, Jenny Bruso of Unlikely Hikers, Danielle Williams of Melanin Basecamp, Indigenous Women Hike, Native Women's Wilderness, Alpenglow Collective, Diversify Outdoors, Outdoor Asian, and so many more!

This won’t be a perfect process. A growth mindset goes hand in hand with growing pains. We will all make mistakes as we move forward. Move forward anyway, with humility, forgiveness for yourself and others, and openness to learning more. Let's shine brighter together. The future needs us.

The above photos were sent to me when I asked women to share photos of themselves in the wild where they felt strong, accomplished, challenged, satisfied, and beautiful. Their responses were touching and I hope you'll take time to go through them as you let this all sink in.